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Best Headlines of 2005

Chick on Wed February 08, 2006 5:15 AM User is offlineView users profile




THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2005:
Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
[Imagine that!]



Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]


Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[Now that's taking things a bit far!]


Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[Not if I wipe thoroughly!]


Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!]


Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect! !]


If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?]


Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!]

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!]


Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]



Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]



New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!]


Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]



Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]



Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]


Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]


And the winner is .... Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to. (Maybe even a chuckle). We all need a good laugh, keep on smiling


-------------------------
Chick
Email: Chick

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Freedoms just another word for nothing left to lose

Karl Hofmann on Wed February 08, 2006 6:06 AM User is offlineView users profile

LOL Very funny, Chick


Got some aeroplane ones for you, you amy have heard them before.


The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot.
They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them.
So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not Been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, and I didn't land."


While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air Flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose
With a United 727.
An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right
Onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there.
I knowit's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up!
It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell
you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind.

Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.

Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"


A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich, overheard te following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify Yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"

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Never knock on deaths door... Ring the doorbell and run away, death really hates that!

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