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Heightened terrorist alert Pages: 12

Karl Hofmann on Sun January 24, 2010 7:50 PM User is offlineView users profile

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the frontline in the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability. It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.

New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "Shit, I hope Austrulia will come end rescue us". In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to gather together in a strategic defensive position called "Bondi".

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be all right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain, "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level

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Never knock on deaths door... Ring the doorbell and run away, death really hates that!

NickD on Mon January 25, 2010 5:03 AM User is offline

What makes that bit so funny, Karl, RONTFLMAO, it's true.

MikeH on Mon January 25, 2010 8:15 AM User is offline

NickD is right but you guys do know that New Zealand, for all its enamored and pristine vegetation is home to Hercules and Xena the Princess Warrior? Also, Cleopatra 2525 and Jack of All Trades

MikeH on Mon January 25, 2010 8:16 AM User is offline

NickD is right but you guys do know that New Zealand, for all its enamored and pristine vegetation is home to Hercules and Xena the Princess Warrior? Also, Cleopatra 2525 and Jack of All Trades. Oh, the best TV series to come out of England, besides Dr. Who, was Dempsey and Makepiece

TRB on Mon January 25, 2010 8:17 PM User is offlineView users profile

Quote
Originally posted by: Karl Hofmann
Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.

With Obama in office this needs to be changed to reflect his liberal thought process. America will be willing to apologize and bow down to all others! While still blaming Bush for everything no matter how many years have passed.

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MikeH on Tue January 26, 2010 8:42 AM User is offline

Well (tongue in cheek), Rush also must be blamed as well as Hannity, Beck, Levin and other conservative talk show hosts.

TRB on Tue January 26, 2010 10:28 AM User is offlineView users profile

Quote
Originally posted by: MikeH
Well (tongue in cheek), Rush also must be blamed as well as Hannity, Beck, Levin and other conservative talk show hosts.

Remember the Halliburton outrage a few years back?

Where's the outrage these days?

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Contact: ACKits.com

Karl Hofmann on Tue January 26, 2010 1:36 PM User is offlineView users profile

Only a bloody Yank could turn humour into an exercise in political bitching......

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Never knock on deaths door... Ring the doorbell and run away, death really hates that!

TRB on Tue January 26, 2010 2:31 PM User is offlineView users profile

Quote
Originally posted by: Karl Hofmann
Only a bloody Yank could turn humour into an exercise in political bitching......

When you have a clown running our country you need a sense of humor!

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When considering your next auto A/C purchase, please consider the site that supports you: ACkits.com
Contact: ACKits.com

Karl Hofmann on Tue January 26, 2010 2:40 PM User is offlineView users profile

The slave has become the master....

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Never knock on deaths door... Ring the doorbell and run away, death really hates that!

Karl Hofmann on Tue January 26, 2010 2:46 PM User is offlineView users profile

Quote
Originally posted by: MikeH
NickD is right but you guys do know that New Zealand, for all its enamored and pristine vegetation is home to Hercules and Xena the Princess Warrior? Also, Cleopatra 2525 and Jack of All Trades. Oh, the best TV series to come out of England, besides Dr. Who, was Dempsey and Makepiece

Dempsy and Makepiece???? Wow... How old is that? I suspect that you only watched it for one blonde reason.....

The current Dr Who is fantastic, Christopher Ecclestone was good as The Doctor but David Tennant, for many here is the definative Doctor.. They have breathed new life and fun into the series..

Have you seen any of the new Doctors?


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Never knock on deaths door... Ring the doorbell and run away, death really hates that!

MikeH on Tue January 26, 2010 4:00 PM User is offline

Unfortunately no on Dr. Who new episodes. They have not jumped across the pond yet. You do know that they are talking about a US only Dr Who? About 22 episodes per year instead of the 12-13 in the UK.

As for Dempsey and Makepiece. Glynis Archer is/was one of the hottest UK stars around - even with the age. I fell in lust the first time I saw her. :-)

MikeH on Tue January 26, 2010 4:01 PM User is offline

Oh, I have viewed every Dr Who TV episode - even B&W.

Karl Hofmann on Tue January 26, 2010 6:06 PM User is offlineView users profile

Mike, I don't know if it will work overseas, but there are a few Dr Who episodes on the BBC iplayer.... Rise of the Cybermen is brilliant..

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/

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Never knock on deaths door... Ring the doorbell and run away, death really hates that!

MikeH on Wed January 27, 2010 8:44 AM User is offline

Thanks, Karl, but this is what I got - good thought though.

Currently BBC iPlayer TV programmes are available to play in the UK only, but all BBC iPlayer Radio programmes are available to you. Why?

If you are in the UK and see this message please read this advice.

Go to Radio channels home page

Voyager97 on Wed January 27, 2010 9:21 AM User is offlineView users profile

Quote
Originally posted by: MikeH
As for Dempsey and Makepiece. Glynis Archer is/was one of the hottest UK stars around - even with the age. I fell in lust the first time I saw her. :-)

Think you mean Glynis Barber. IIRC Glynis Archer was married to that conman Jeffery Archer.

Do you know where Glynis Barber got that look in her eyes? She is a blind as a bat! that's not 'take me to bed', it's 'where the hell are you?'.




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Vic @ Pennine AutoChill

NickD on Wed January 27, 2010 2:59 PM User is offline

I grew up falling in love with



Glynis Johns, not that she was so much of a sex symbol, but really super nice and pleasant. Wife has a personality like that, except she is also hot.

Used to watch Dr. Who with my kids on PBS with Tom Baker, but it was tiring in that to stretch that program out, without commercials to 90 minutes, always running in the same aliens over and over again getting trapped and somehow getting out of it.

Found out his tarus or whatever he called that phone booth was so much larger in the inside than on the outside, because the inside was in a time zone close to the viewer, the outside was a great distance away in another time zone. His thingy machine would bring the two time zones together with a huge inside and a very small outside. British imagination, why didn't I think of that?

I figured when they were building that thing the exterior carpenters were measuring in millimeters, while the interior ones measured in yards.

FrankD. on Wed January 27, 2010 4:24 PM User is offline

Yep I love Glynis Johns no one else had a voice like hers.



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FrankD.

Edited: Wed January 27, 2010 at 4:28 PM by FrankD.

Karl Hofmann on Wed January 27, 2010 4:26 PM User is offlineView users profile

Quote
Originally posted by: MikeH
Thanks, Karl, but this is what I got - good thought though.



Currently BBC iPlayer TV programmes are available to play in the UK only, but all BBC iPlayer Radio programmes are available to you. Why?



If you are in the UK and see this message please read this advice.



Go to Radio channels home page

Ha! I guess that you're gonna have to pay your TV license then.... The Beeb seem to guard Doctor Who well as I cannot find any of the new series on the "You Tube" type players.... Pity

Voyager, you are showing your age there... I knew it was Glynis something or other, but couldn't remember the other name, and definitely not that she was blind as a bat.... I remember the series vaguely but not a great deal about it.

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Never knock on deaths door... Ring the doorbell and run away, death really hates that!

Karl Hofmann on Wed January 27, 2010 4:36 PM User is offlineView users profile

Quote
Originally posted by: NickD




I figured when they were building that thing the exterior carpenters were measuring in millimeters, while the interior ones measured in yards.

That's the advantage of having both systems.. Lots of tradesmen work in metres and inches, just measure it to the nearest whole whatever.... a sheet of 2.44x1.22 is a lot simpler as a sheet of 8x4 but lengths of timber are easier being bought as 2.4 metres in length but 3x2 inches in width and depth copper tube is 3 metres in 15mm, 22mm, 28mm and 35mm, unless it is refrigeration pipe...... Simples!!

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Never knock on deaths door... Ring the doorbell and run away, death really hates that!

NickD on Thu January 28, 2010 5:22 AM User is offline

They called that thing a Tardis, remember that now, so it was built using both the English and Metric Systems? And does it have refrigeration pipes in it?

Feel if a time machine even is possible, it's already been invented, otherwise, Dr. Who could never come back to our time, and if he could, would need that Tardis and it would be here, therefore it has been invented.

Watched that latest Terminator movie, a kid of mine brought it over, the son in the future had to save his much longer teenage dad from being killed, otherwise he couldn't come back in time after he grew up to come back to do his mom, and he wouldn't exist. That torqued my brain, so bad, I couldn't remember the Tardis.

Karl Hofmann on Thu January 28, 2010 7:37 AM User is offlineView users profile

Time And Relative Dimensions In Space.... Tardis... Yep, they must have refrigeration pipes in there somewhere 'cos they are seriously cool... I have a customer with one in his garage next to the Bentley...

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Never knock on deaths door... Ring the doorbell and run away, death really hates that!

NickD on Thu January 28, 2010 8:00 AM User is offline

Quote
Originally posted by: Karl Hofmann
Time And Relative Dimensions In Space.... Tardis... Yep, they must have refrigeration pipes in there somewhere 'cos they are seriously cool... I have a customer with one in his garage next to the Bentley...

Does it work?

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