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Oy Vey!

Bigchris on Thu December 18, 2003 1:33 AM User is offline

Four Jewish brothers left home for college. They became successful
doctors and lawyers and prospered.

Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They
discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother
who lived far away in another city.

The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."

The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the
house."

The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver her an SL600 with
chauffeur."

The fourth said, "Listen to this. You know how Mama loved reading the
Torah. And you know, too, she can't read anymore because she can't see
very well. I met this Rabbi who told me about a parrot that can recite
the entire Torah. It took twenty rabbis 12 years to teach him. I had to
pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the temple. Let
me tell you...it was worth it. All Mama has to do is name a chapter and
verse and the parrot will recite it."

The other brothers were impressed.

After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote:

Milton: The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I
have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway.

Marvin: I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries
delivered, so I never use the Mercedes...and the driver you hired is a
Nazi. The thought was good. Thanks.

Menachim: You give me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could
hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and
I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the
same.

Dearest Phil: You were the only son to have the good sense to give a
little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you.

TRB on Thu December 18, 2003 9:20 AM User is offlineView users profile

Nothing like starting the day with a chuckle!!!

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k5guy on Thu December 18, 2003 9:28 PM User is offline

It sounds like she needs some Sex....

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy." When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have
Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family was barred from the church from then on.

When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"

One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Same here!"

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." -- My case comes up next Thursday.

Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I can't live any longer being so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so go get yourself a dog."



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