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Holiday Eating Tips

MikeH on Thu December 23, 2004 6:01 PM User is offline


1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano.
Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention
of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,
but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand,
martini in the other,
body thoroughly used up,
totally worn out and screaming,
"WOO HOO what a ride!"

NickD on Thu December 23, 2004 6:27 PM User is offline

I love fruit cake, was just at the store, 25% off for Christmas, but they still wanted 15 bucks for a one pound fruit cake, I did pass on that, maybe after Christmas when its 75% off.

TRB on Thu December 23, 2004 6:40 PM User is offlineView users profile

Have an old fruit cake which has been holding the garage door open for years.

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MrBillPro on Thu December 23, 2004 6:41 PM User is offlineView users profile

O heck Nick it's Christmas splurge a little! do you want us all here to take up a collection and send you one?

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Don't take life seriously... Its not permanent.

MikeH on Thu December 23, 2004 7:10 PM User is offline

Actually, guys, my Dad used to work for Manor Baking in Kansas City, Mo. They made the best fruitcakes going. Better than anything you can get today. No actual comparison possible. They used to make the one lb bars but, of course, Manor went out of business, so "good by" to an era.

NickD on Thu December 23, 2004 10:50 PM User is offline

The secret ingredient to a great fruit cake is brandy, ha, lots of brandy. The store had a full a pallet full, they will be there Sunday and if like last year, 75% off, pays to wait, maybe I will buy four for the price of one, LOL.

bohica2xo on Fri December 24, 2004 2:36 AM User is offline

HUH? Now wait Tim, you mean to tell me that you've been using Don King to prop your door open?


.

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"Among the many misdeeds of the British rule in India, history will look upon the act of depriving a whole nation of arms, as the blackest."
~ Mahatma Gandhi, Gandhi, An Autobiography, M. K. Gandhi, page 446.

Karl Hofmann on Fri December 24, 2004 3:24 AM User is offlineView users profile

Ha My Mum still makes her own Christmas cake (Fruit cake) . They are better if they mature six months or so, and the top is drilled to allow the weekly sip of Brandy to soak through. Closer to Christmas a thin layer of plum jam is applied to act as an adhesive for the almond paste, and the whole lot is then iced in a thick layer of icing...wonderfull

I also have a large selection of Christmas Puddings that have been maturing to be served with Brandy sauce or Rum Butter, though I suspect that this pudding may be uniquly British.

It has been a long time since I have even seen Egg Nog, and Gluhwein seems to be the preferred choice, but I think that I shall dig out a recipe for the Egg Nog and give it a whirl

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Never knock on deaths door... Ring the doorbell and run away, death really hates that!

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